Going public with my blog....

Well I guess I never expected so many people to visit my blog it's almost at 1500. I normally don't got out and blab everything to all the world. I'm usually a more reserved person but after talking to a friend of mine whose son had cancer (Osteosarcoma) and the experience she had with there blog, I decided to go public with mine. Since mine is a rare cancer (Fallopian tube cancer) in trying to research things, I found there wasn't a lot of information. So I decided that if by sharing my blog, in it's entirety, with someone else searching for information then hopefully it will have been worth it to bare my soul. Hopefully it will be a resource for them but mostly to know there is hope and it's worth the fight (and I'm just getting started). Another friend shared some information from her experience with her husband while he was receiving treatment.

"...He worked really hard to keep his spirits up. Depression & nausea were the worst. What he did was recognize his situation: he decided he was going to live, and just kept planning for life..." 

It really struck me that I couldn't just have faith and hope for the best - that I actually have to make a decision that I am going to live! I had to ask myself -do I really, really, want to live? My answer was of course yes. When someone tells you that you have cancer you kind of go into a little bit of shock. Then you start thinking about the prognosis, the treatment plans, alternative therapies, how your life will change and many other things. At 
times thoughts will pop into my head like; when my brother randomly texted me a picture of Bryce Canyon in all it's glory (they were there on vacation). I just looked at it and cried to myself thinking, I may never see that again...and all the memories that my family has created there flooded my mind. You can't help it when those thoughts come into your mind but you view those thoughts differently. Now when simple things happens like when my (3 yr old) granddaughter comes randomly up to me giving me a hug and saying in the sweetest most sincere voice "grandma I love you" and then plops me a great big kiss. I think to myself - cherish this moment....I've done that all my life anyway but now it takes on special meaning. I can take my memories with me when I do eventually go. So the word cherish will be one of my words to focus on.