Reality Moments...........

         I haven’t been really good about writing in my blog lately. With tests at school, chemo, and being sick it hasn’t been a priority. I have tried to keep the most important info up to date though. As for me, my life consists of studying, chemo, being sick (nausea, headaches and fatigue), naps etc. Usually the weekends I feel better so I try and get things done and study (I get chemo brain fog after the treatment so I have to wait for it to wear off before I can really study). I notice the brain fog here and there but it’s more like I can’t come up with the word or thought that I was trying to say. I’ve gained weight hopefully I can get it back down after the chemo. The doctor thinks it’s from the chemo and not being active because of being sick. It’s not enough nausea to make me throw up just nagging at me all the time. So I eat a little something to see if will take it away and sometimes it makes it go away and sometimes it makes it worse. I still haven’t lost my hair but it is really thinning. After I comb it I shake my head to make the curls show up and all this hair falls out, so then I have to brush it off of me. I now know that if I drink lots of water it’s not so bad. My friend Sharla has this water machine that ionizes the water. You can also make it more acid or alkaline. She has me drinking it and I think it’s been helping with the nausea. This next week with it being a two med week will be the test to see how sick I get with drinking the water also.

I read this article from a cancer survivor’s magazine. This lady had developed cancer (I can’t remember the type) but it was aggressive, and I think they only gave her a couple of months to live. Her doctor couldn’t get her in for a couple weeks for surgery and she knew she didn’t have that much time. So she kept trying to call different doctors and clinics being a little annoying by calling again and again. Finally one doctor said he would work her in. She had the surgery and was on the road to recovery. I have a blank at the next part of the story (chemo brain) but then the end is she’s two years after the initial surgery and raising her two little boys and enjoying life fighting her cancer. She knew in the beginning that she would be the one to make things happen if she was going to live. She knew she had additional help from God to make things happen the way they did. “For me it was a great reminder that God is there. He's paying attention, and even though we're going through this trial, regardless of what happens, we're going to be OK." by Michelle Murray. Reading this article made me contemplate how really blessed my family and I are. There have been so many little small miracles all along this process. Sometimes I don’t recognize them right away but later as I’m reflecting they jump right out in front of me. I am so very aware of what he has blessed us with and he continues to do so.

I was driving to a chemo appointment one day and a song came on the radio. Immediately I started to cry it was one of those ‘reality moments’ (I call them that) where I can relate or it makes me think about stuff. I don’t know what the future will hold but I will cherish every moment I have! I can’t think of the song right now but I’ll tell you when I do (chemo brain). Last Sunday was Peyton’s primary program. Dad, Austin and I went. During the meeting I had another ‘reality moment’. I couldn’t help but think; how soon will I not be able to see another primary program. It’s moments like that that just creep into my mind. I guess that’s normal I don’t know. I try not to think about stuff like that and try to be optimistic and positive but every once in a while those thoughts creep in. Those are what I call a ‘reality moment’. I guess as the holidays approach it’s getting a little harder. Those thoughts of; how long will I be around for the family traditions I so much enjoy. It’s not like I think I won’t be around anytime soon, because I plan on fighting this cancer and being around for quite a while. We all don’t know when our time to go is, we could die from a car crash or a freak accident, but fighting something like cancer somehow makes you think about it a little bit more. My time may be sooner than later like when I’m 80. I guess it’s time to write a bucket list. One thing I really want to accomplish is to graduate from nursing school. I have three more semesters. Hopefully my health and my brain will be well enough to make that happen. I’ve worked so hard to be there that I really want to finish!

I am applying for long term health insurance hopefully I will know in a week or two. If I am accepted then I can pay for a discounted insurance rate through my work. The insurance company also wanted me to apply for disability. I said why I’m planning on going back to work? They said “it’s just in case, because it’s a long process”. So I’ve filled out the info for that. If worse comes to worse I will go back to work sooner than later so we can have insurance. I will have to deal with a preexisting condition which will probably mean a higher premium. So keep us in your prayers that we’ll get the long term disability and that work will stay busy so we can pay for the medical bills. This year we have met the deductible but its next year that I’m concerned about.