I am quite relieved that this year is
coming to a close and hoping that the New Year will be filled with;
good health, love, optimism, growth, and happiness! I had my last
Chemo appointment last Monday a few days before Christmas. I was
hoping I would feel better to be able to enjoy Christmas. I did enjoy
it I just got extremely exhausted along with the usual nausea. I'm
excited to think that I won't be nauseated anymore! I'm getting used
to wearing my wig. It gets hot so at home I usually wear a bandanna
or a hat. I don't really care if people that come by frequently see
me bald but I'm still uncomfortable with people in general seeing me.
Like Matt & Mitch have seen me bald and the family. Peyton is
getting used to it. I like the wig. It was bright blonde when I got
it, it wasn't me so I colored it the day after I got it. I used a
colored mousse because I wasn't sure how quickly it would grab the
color. I thought it turned out really good. It was my mom's German
Christmas party that same night. It took me forever to color the wig
so we were late to the party. When I walked in everyone oohed and
awed over how good my wig looked and how natural it was. The party
was fun.
We have had one thing after another happen this year, I hope we are done. Being sick has worn on me. Physically I'm exhausted. I have never felt a total exhaustion like the exhaustion chemo gives you. My red blood cells are low so I'm anemic, my white blood cells are low so my chances of getting sick are increased, so I'm constantly washing my hands. With having low red blood cells (which are the cells that carry your oxygen) your body isn't getting enough oxygen throughout your body, causing you to have effects like; when picking something up off of the floor and being dizzy upon standing up, getting winding climbing the stairs, and not thinking clearly. You also get what they call chemo brain. The doctor told me it was like not forgetting but not being able to come up with the right word. At first during the chemo I didn't notice it to much but towards the end I began to notice it a lot. When I sit down to write something is where I notice it the most. I will go back and read what I had written and it didn't make sense. I either had double words, left out a word or had put in another word for what I actually meant to say. In a conversation I'll be telling someone something and I can't come up with the word, so I will explain what the word I want does or something like that. The person I'm talking with can usually help fill in the word or I might come up with it on my own after awhile. It's frustrating. I don't trust what I'm trying to say sometimes. I have had some depression creep in at times but I think it's mostly because I'm become worn down.
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