Mother's Day...tangled....Perfection Pending....

Well I was just sitting at home with my foot up when Marks sister and her husband came by. They said hello and I replied come on in. They thought it was Paul, because all they saw was someone with short hair, sitting on the couch, (the back of my head was facing them). As they came closer

they realized it was me with the short hair. She really liked it short. She asked if I had gone out in public with it short yet? I replied only a couple of times, but that I was almost ready to go without my wig. My wig is becoming a nuisance; always getting tangled in back, its hot, and I have to use a little glue to keep it on (mainly for my own security). Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely loved my wig! I have been so grateful that I have had one. Well we visited for a bit and I explained what they did in my surgery. I showed them pictures etc. When they first came in she had a vase of flowers, red peonies. They are absolutely beautiful! She asked if I wanted the card so I said yes, I took the card and set it down and then we started visiting. During the course of the conversation it came up about who the flowers were from, I said I thought they were from Mark. She put her hand to her mouth and said I thought you knew. I replied knew what? She said that they were from Parker. Oh my gosh I didn't even think about him sending flowers. Then I remembered that last year he had a missionary he knew (that had just come home from his mission), get me a bouquet of flowers and deliver them to me for mothers day. I was shocked but grateful that he had planned the flowers on his own. He caught me off guard again this year with the flowers again for Mother's day. Here is the card he sent:

Alma 56:47-48
47 Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.
48 And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.
I opened the card after Marks sister and her husband had left. I read it and started to cry of course (they all know I cry at the drop of a hat). It just made me realize that maybe I had taught my boys to have faith in God after all. It was such a ah ha moment for me. Sometimes as a parent, especially a mom, you never realize whether the things that you have tried to teach your children, were really understood. I mean whether they really sunk in and if you do find out that it sunk in, its usually much later in life, after they have experienced life a little themselves. All my boys are so unique, they each have their own special place in my heart even though some would say that I have a favorite. I don't! How could I? It's like comparing apples and oranges. I love each of them and for who each of them has become now and in the future. My greatest joy in this life is to have been able to raise these precious spirits, inadequate as I have been. To see them grow and become who they are is a priceless joy that I'll cherish always. There are so many “moments in time” that I have photographed in my mind of things each of my boys has done. So many cherished moments!
A friend of mine writes a blog called “Perfection Pending”. She really does have a way with words that I think most moms young or old can relate too. Recently she wrote a post called “What I love you really means”. I think it nails it on the head for me. See if it does for you as well.

What I Love You Really Means         MAY 7, 2015 BY: MEREDITH ETHINGTON (Blog: Perfection Pending)

He smiled at me across the counter as he crinkled his nose, and squinted his eyes in his coy three year old way that he always does. I said, “I love you” while we were doing something we do every morning. Trying to get him to eat his breakfast. It was the boring old song and dance of getting a 3 year old to eat, but the moment was important. Different. I saw him in that moment and he took my breath away.

I wanted to freeze that cute crinkled nose and squinty eyed smile in time so I wouldn’t forget it. I wanted him to know what I was feeling, but all I could say was, “I love you.”

I probably say hundreds of I love you-s to my three kids everyday. But, there is so much more behind that simple phrase when you’re a mom. It may sound routine to others that hear me say it over and over. It may even sound routine to my kids. I hope not because, to me, there is nothing routine about it. When my heart is exploding with happiness, joy, or even sadness, my go-to response is, “I love you.”

It’s not to diminish the event or situation, or feeling, it’s because it is the most powerful thing one human can say to another. I love you means everything. Because loving like a mother does, is something that you really can’t put into words most of the time.

So, I hope my kids know, that behind all those I Love You-s there is so much more being said. That may not know it now, but someday, they will. When they are parents. When they feel like their love just can’t grow anymore, but it does. When they experience heart-ache that is really someone else’s heart-ache. Sometimes the only thing you can muster up when the feelings are so big is a phrase that may seem common place to some. But, the human experience of being a parent is anything but commonplace.

So, when I say I love you, it really means, “I saw you helping your brothers today, and that made me happy.”

When I say I love you, it really means, “You’re growing up too fast little one. Please stay this way forever. Because my heart will miss the little you that you are right now.”

When I say I love you, it really means, “I’m sorry.”

When I say I love you, it really means, “You astound me with your wisdom.”

When I say I love you, it really means, “Thank you for being the kid that always makes me laugh.”

When I say I love you, it really means, “I’m proud of you.”

When I say I love you , it really means, “YOU made my day better today.”

When I say I love you, it really means, “Stay safe while you’re away from me. Because I couldn’t survive if you never came back to me.”

When I say I love you, it really means, “I’m trying my best.”

When I say I love you, it really means, “I need a hug today from tiny arms that mean everything.”

When I say I love you, it really means, “I saw you today. I know what you’re feeling. I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

When I say I love you, it really means, “I’m glad you still want to hold my hand.”

When I say I love you, it really means, “I am in awe.”

When I say I love you, it really means, “I love watching you grow.”

When I say I love you, it really means, “I can’t believe the amazing person you are. And, the even more amazing person you will someday be.”

When I say I love you, it really means, “You are part of me. And, my heart will never be the same.”

I love you doesn’t just mean I love you when you’re a mom. A mother. A Mommy. Because love is a feeling. But, a mother’s love is more than just one feeling. It’s a roller coaster. It’s joy and happiness, frustration and sorrow all rolled up into one. Being a mom means big, big feelings that we never thought we would feel. It means another person is a part of us in a way we couldn’t have dreamed up if we tried. Being a mom means, I’m more alive now than I ever could have been without them.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there. Share this with a Mom you love.