Yesterday for Sacrament mtg. the speakers topic was on Depression. The first speaker has chronic depression and shared some personal feelings and experiences that she has had. What it feels like, how sometimes the sadness is so overwhelming that nothing helps. She made the comment that she had tried to take her own life (3) times. it was her faith that she kept holding on to, especially in the darkest hours. She is an amazing woman. I knew she had struggled with health issues but didn't know what and to the extent it was. Never judge a book by its cover ...you never know what someone is going through until you've been in their shoes yourself.
The second speaker was a clinical psychologist who had been practicing for 30 years. He was serving currently as a bishop in our stake. He was also very personal, telling us that he himself is on medication. He tries to go off of it every once in awhile for a few days and realizes that it makes a difference so he starts taking it again. He proceeded to talk about the myths of depression and what the real truth is behind them. One statistic he gave was that 60% of people that go see the doctor have some kind of mental illness, not just depression. He also stated that most people will have at least one major depressive episode in their lifetime. Then he proceeded to tell his own personal story of when his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. He spoke about when they found out the first thing you think of is dying, you become overwhelmed. He talked about how the only treatment they recommended at the time was a radical intense chemo treatment. So they asked how much it would cost? It would be $150,000. They didn't have very good health insurance at the time and most insurance companies wouldn't cover the treatment. So, they had to raise the money. With the efforts of friends and family they were able to raise $88,000 with in about 3 weeks. He talked about what the chemo did to your body, in that it takes you to where you are almost dying in order to kill the cancer cells. He talked about how sick she got and weak. He mentioned how their Relief Society brought dinner into them for weeks. He and his wife commented how "in the midst of your affliction your table is spread". They had so many answers to prayers and miracles happen. He said at one point when his wife was in the hospital and was very down, the impression came to her that every thing would be alright. He was mowing the lawn crying while he was doing so, not knowing how they would handle this, when he received an impression that everything would be alright. They put their trust and faith in God. Twenty years later she is still cancer free.
So far it had been an excellent mtg. until he started to talk about his wife and her cancer. I fought to hold back my tears! It was so close to home for me. I could relate to everything he was saying. I had been there and had those feelings. I knew everything he was explaining. Then when they sang the closing song it hit me as well..."I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go". The following phrases were the one's that touched me:
But
if, by a still, small voice he calls
To paths that I do not
know,
I'll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:
I'll go
where you want me to go.
Perhaps
today there are loving words
Which Jesus would have me
speak;...
O Savior, if thou wilt be my guide,
Tho dark and
rugged the way,
My voice shall echo the message sweet:
I'll say
what you want me to say.
So trusting my all to thy tender care,
And knowing
thou lovest me,
I'll do thy will with a heart sincere:
I'll be
what you want me to be.
[Chorus]
I'll
go where you want me to go, dear Lord,
Over mountain or plain or
sea;
I'll say what you want me to say, dear Lord;
I'll be what
you want me to be.
Well over
the weekend I developed another ingrown toenail this time on the big
toe of my right foot. Another dose of antibiotic as well because it
was infected.... 
