Sunday June 29, 2014...moments too cherish in my mind

I haven’t written in a while partly because I didn’t want to, I don’t know why I just didn’t.  Every once in a while I have moments where I face the reality that I have cancer and things will change. Things like spending time with girls. I watch every movement, every facial expression, giggle, scream. I just want to ingrain those memories into my brain so I can remember them when things might get hard. I look at Paul’s auburn beard and him coming up to give me a hug whether I want one or not and reminding him not to knock me over to be gentle. Austin even though he’s so tall and grown-up I still make him lean over and give me a hug. He’s been willing to help with things (most of time) especially when a lot gets put on him to do and especially when the girls are over here I couldn't do it without him. The girls especially Peyton want him to come play with her. Chris and Courtney are always there being concerned, and willing to help with whatever I need. Mark is such strength to me. I know he feels the pressure of finances as I do but he just keeps working so hard, with time to still help others. Parker-every time we can converse through email on his p-day he always asks “how are you?” I've taken a couple of selfies (self-pictures) to send to him to show him right now I'm really doing ok. I know it would be hard to be on your mission and find this out but what better blessing could I have than to have my son serving a mission for the Lord! I hope I never forget those memories…

 
We took the girls to church today. It was ok but Mark said “we've done this”; kind of like why do we have to do it again… They were really pretty good. Peyton wanted to go to primary with Mia and Chloe escaped down the hall. We found her in the nursery with the toys so we stayed at church. Chris and Courtney’s new car broke down on them last night on their overnighter so Mark had to go and pick them up at the Homestead in Midway.

Saturday June 28, 2014...date to Left fork grill

This morning Mark and I went on a date for breakfast to the ‘Left Fork Grill’. It was pretty good. He’s gone there a lot but I've never been able to go because I work most Saturdays. When I got home Cort and Loraine had come over to visit me. They brought by some bread, homegrown honey and some peanut butter. We visited quite a while. As they were leaving Chris and Courtney were dropping the girls for us to watch. They were going off to celebrate there anniversary and to have an overnighter. So the girls would be there all afternoon and then have a sleep over. This time though we had Peyton sleep in her favorite box in the family room so we wouldn't had to listen to her snoring (she wasn't as bad this time with the snoring).

          This box is left over from when Chris and Courtney remodeled their kitchen, it's from their sink.

Friday June 27, 2014...lunch with Mare, visit mom

Apparently the night went ok. Dad said Austin is very quiet and just wanted to play with his (actually mine) tablet. Today I was emailing my Boss to let her know that even though the paperwork wasn’t finished yet they had approved my long term disability. That means I get to keep all of my benefits and a job but necessarily on T-11 but hopefully. So I should be able to have my next surgery and maybe a couple rounds of chemo before I have to start back. Mary Ann texted me wanting to know if I could go to lunch since we weren't able to last time we scheduled it. So we went to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. Later Jill dropped off some flowers from Mom’s house to go to the rehab place for her to enjoy. I was going out so I said I would take them. Dad was out there visiting with her. By the time we got her settled Dad had been without O2 for a while and very tired so I told him he couldn’t drive home. I drove him home and  we of course had to stop at the iceberg to get a shake, (I guess that was dinner that night). Since Preston and Andrea were coming to stay the night I had them stop and pick up my car and drive it to Grandma’s house. Apparently mom was nauseated and they hadn't given her her pain meds so they stayed out there until the nurse actually gave them to her, at one point actually standing by the nurse until she got it. Yeah for Preston!

Thursday June 26, 2014...Dr. Hales, LOA

This morning I met with Dr. Hales for a regular med check, he hadn’t heard anything about the sepsis until now. He just couldn’t believe how much I’d been through. Austin and I went to Red Robin for dinner tonight with Grandpa, Chris and Jeffrey, hoping to break the ice a little since he would be staying overnight with Grandpa. I took him and grandpa home because grandpa was too tired to drive home. I helped him get settled then left the two of them. Mark came and got me to pick up my car. Later today I called the LOA dept. to see if they had heard whether I had been approved for my long term leave or not. They said ‘Yes’. Oh, my, gosh, that took off the biggest worry about insurance, benefits, etc. especially because if it wasn’t approved I would have to start work tomorrow. It may have come at the last minute but it’s another small miracle to still let me know that the Lord is watching out for us. Again it’s not our time frame it’s the Lords we have to trust in that.

Wednesday June 25, 2014....Mom's surgery, foot doctor, nursing school study group BBQ

Mom went in for hip surgery this morning, all went well.

            I watched the girls today and then went to the foot doctor Drew VanBoerum. I have had my left foot in a boot since just before my hysterectomy. I have a Haglands deformity which is a triangular shaped bone under my Achilles tendon. Every time I would walk it would make little micro tears in my Achilles. The more I was on it the more it hurt. The same thing happened years ago and they put me in a boot then a cast then they referred me to Dr. VanBoerum who was an orthopedic foot specialist. He told me to change the angle of shoe I was wearing. So instead of flats or high heels I wore mid-level shoes. That fixed everything for (3) years until I had my left knee replaced. After the surgery it was never the same. It was back to how it was like (4) years ago. So at my appointment with Dr. VanBoerum he basically said that because I had been wearing the boot faithfully it was the same thing as a cast so really my next choice is surgery. It’s like a tendon repair surgery where they cut the tendon shave the bone then reattach the tendon. It’s a long recovery. I told him about the cancer, chemo etc. he said we couldn’t do surgery while I’m doing chemo because we wanted things to heal and the chemo will be killing everything. He asked who the doctor was; I told him it was Dr. Mark Dodson. He said he knew him very well and that he was a very good doctor that made me feel good. So basically I wear the boot if I’ll be up on it a lot. When I’m just going to be at home I take it off. I guess I’ll just deal with it until after chemo.

            Tonight I had a bbq on the rocks with my nursing school study group. Most everyone came. It was really fun to visit with everyone. I announced to everyone about my cancer, sepsis, chemo etc. They all said they would stand by me and help anyway they could. Even though most of them are not LDS or inactive LDS they knew I was active and supported and respected me, as I was to them.

June 24th... Six week appointment with Dr. Hoverman

Today’s doctor appointment was with doctor Hoverman my OB. Oh my gosh she cut her hair! She had long beautiful hair probably 1/2 way down her back if not longer. Her new cut was really cute but now it's maybe chin length, big difference. She did a vaginal exam and said some stitches still hadn’t dissolved give them a couple more weeks, otherwise everything looked good. I had found out that she will be moving back to Texas to be by her family. I thanked her for helping me get through this ordeal. She was awesome! I then asked about doctor Williams (I knew she was only temporary) and she said she tore her rotator cuff so she left the clinic earlier than expected. She was from Atlanta so she went home to have surgery there. They were both very instrumental in helping me through this. We talked again on how it was a miracle that she had found the mass and what the future holds (a basic idea). It was interesting to me to realize how people our put in our lives at certain times to help us with what we need. They may not be there long but their influence has an impact on our lives.Dr. Williams and Dr. Hoverman were only here in Salt Lake for maybe 6-12 months but in that time frame they were the ones instrumental in finding my cancer and now they are both gone, maybe to never see them again.

Wednesday June 4th...recovering at home...LDS Living article

I was reading information on cancer and came across this article which really hit home to me:

Quote from LDS Living article:

Sticking Together: One Couple’s Amazing Love Story

Kathy Aiken - February 11, 2014

When mother of three Jenny Lynn suffered a massive brain stem stroke, doctors encouraged her husband, Mark, to remove her from life support. But for the Lynn’s, eternal marriage means more than temporal comfort—it means hope, love, and sacrifice.

Mark: Recalls his own epiphany early in their shared trial. “My work supervisor met with me for lunch so I could discuss my plans to take an indefinite leave of absence to care for Jenny. He said that he felt I was a good man but was surprised that I was deciding to stay in the marriage. He had seen so many marriages fall apart when he and his friends returned home from Vietnam, many with significant injuries. My first thought was, ‘Of course I would stay with Jenny. We are married for time and eternity.’ It was at that moment that I realized that I really believed in eternal marriage. It was not that I doubted it before, but when my decisions were questioned, it only made sense to continue with my marriage because this earth life was just a tiny part of what our relationship would involve.

Jenny: “For the most part, things are wonderful,” Jenny says, “but when things are difficult, they’ll be difficult for a relatively short amount of time.” She continues, “I know that God knows us all personally, has a vested interest in our lives, and will intervene where necessary. I know our trials are just a moment in time and that only God can see the big picture, so I need to trust and have faith in Him. I know families are forever.”

Tuesday June 3rd...two week appt. with Dr. Hoverman

Today was my 2 week appt. with Dr. Hoverman. She was surprised at everything that had happened. She didn’t check me vaginally because of everything I went through. Since we have had time to ponder over things we had more questions. She was great! She drew pictures and took the time to explain things in terms we could understand, especially for Mark since he hasn't had any medical experience or training.

....A selfie I took to send to my son on a mission to let him know I was doing ok...